New Year, What n0w?

With the coming of the new year, and recently getting my degree, my life is open to me. I have everything at my fingertips and I have no idea what to do. Well, that’s not true. I have goals, and I am already working towards them. But with such a heavy focus on moving forward, I worry that I will wake up one day and come to the realization that I missed the world around me.

That’s a fear I’ve had since I was a child, and I highly doubt I’m alone in feeling that way. 

I used to be so different. I used to think if the wind didn’t take me there, then I don’t want to be there. “Go with the flow” could’ve been burned into my eyelids. Now, I have routines, schedules, even a darn calendar. It makes me wonder if my past self would look at who I am now and scoff. That I might be losing myself. But one thing I know for sure is that my present self scoffs at my past self. Even with my doubts, I am still proud of my achievements and the work it took to get here. Maybe it wasn’t going where the wind takes me; maybe it was not making the choice of where to go.

And when I think of that, and how much I achieved that I never thought possible. It only leaves me excited for what is to come for me; and what I will make of myself.